This article will address:
- PARENTING STYLES- what is your style?
- EXPLANATIONS OF THE 3 STYLES OF PARENTING explanations and
- HOW YOU CAN RAISE A WELL ADJUSTED ADULT
We all love our children and want the best for them. We all want our children to thrive. Do you want your kids to be obedient soldiers or do you want to help them bring their unique talents to the world, be accepted and to have good relationships? If you are having problems with your child, maybe your style of parenting is not working. Discipline and spanking may not be the problem. Wouldn’t you rather have the cooperation of your children? What are you modeling for your children or grandchildren by your parenting style?
PARENTING STYLES: A guide to figure out your style
TAKE THIS QUIZ TO SEE WHAT TYPE OF PARENT YOU ARE take this 15 minute QUIZ: https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/parenting-style.htm
THREE STYLES OF PARENTING and WHAT TYPE OF ADULT ARE YOU HELPING TO CREATE?
- Authoritarian parenting: These parents have high expectations and often overwhelm their children with strict rules and regulations. These parents rule with an iron fist and often “scare” their children into obedience. Parents who utilize this type of parenting style might be referred to as “bossy,” “high strung,” or controlling and abusive. Fathers who are authoritarian rarely show affection and might even keep a distance from their children emotionally and psychologically, believing that this is a “healthy fear of authority.” I would venture to say that children who come from these households often stray so much that they become substance abusers, lack appropriate boundaries in relationships, and might even resort to suicide if they feel pressured to be perfect for their parent(s).
Children who grow up in these households often rebel and become problematic in families and in society. These kids grow into juvenile delinquents, substance abusers, or complete rebels (getting tattoos, piercings, engaging in multiple short-lived relationships, prostituting, etc.). You might have heard of kids who grow up in very strict political or religious homes who become “wild adults.”
- Permissive parenting (or indulgent parenting): Parents who exhibit this style of parenting can be mistaken as the child’s sister, aunt, or babysitter. This type of parent makes very few demands and does not have control over their child or children. These parents are often the parents who call “SuperNanny” to come and help them because their child has little to no respect for them. Permissive parents really don’t care about implementing values or rules into the lives of their child or children. They ultimately want to be their child’s friend or would rather be “accepted” by their child rather than respected. There is no “healthy fear” of authority and no respect. In return, the parent just feels like “oh well, what can I do.” You may have heard some parents say in embarrassment after their child does something wrong “Oh well…that’s Kevin, what can I say?”
Children who grow up in these households lack personal restraint and can pass for children with ADHD. These kids have no boundaries and respect for others personal space. They can be considered “wild” and out of control. Teens who have permissive parents often seek love, affection, and direction from others in the world and may fall into negative relationships as a result. Adults who have been raised by permissive parents may have trouble managing relationships or adult responsibilities.”
- Authoritative parenting: My mother was authoritative and many of the parents in my family. Authoritative parenting is well-organized and these parents often have a goal of properly raising their children and being balanced. These parents are not overly strict, yet they know how to make their child respect authority and develop appropriate values and boundaries. Authoritative households are often calmer and seem well-adjusted to life. Kids are expected to follow the rules established by the adults in the household, but it is okay if the child makes a mistake or needs to be reminded of their place as the child. These parents are often fair and firm when they need to be.
Children in these households often develop into well-adjusted adults who hold specific values. They are able to pass milestones without extreme setbacks and are often strong mentally and emotionally.
UTUBE: FOUR TYPES OF PARENTING STYLES: This short concise explanation adds the style of Uninvolved Parenting to the 3 styles above. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3g0kKD4txo
PARENTING STYLES AND THEIR INFLUENCE ON CHILDREN Comparing parenting styles and their influence on children. Educational Psychology Class Dr. Weller-Clarke https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ2Hw2_hiK8
AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING AND IT’S CONSEQUENCES: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lj64B6P9bxs Watch as Parents Magazine gives advice for parents on the authoritarian parenting style! Authoritarian parents place high demands on their children and believe the parents have the household power. This style of parent involvement tends to use negative forms of discipline, such as taking away privileges or spanking to punish bad behavior. Authoritarian parental guidance does not usually respond to a child’s feelings or opinions. These parents often respond to questioning with “Because I said so,” and they have very firm rules. Parenting in the authoritarian right tends to lead children to rebel later in life. This form of child parenting is not effective at teaching, and it does not usually spur good behavior. As a parent, you want to help your child build a solid foundation of independence, not anger or a bad attitude!
A FUNNY LOOK AT THE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES OF AUTHORITARIAN VS. AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING: From a comedy series: Authoritarian vs. Authoritative Parenting- Hint the Father is the Authoritarian. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chLIBfSXMuk
From- Parenting: How Your Style Can Negatively Affect Mental Health
By Támara Hill, MS, LPC https://blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers/2014/09/parenting-how-your-style-can-negatively-affect-mental-health/ read the article and watch the Utube
HOW YOU CAN RAISE A WELL ADJUSTED ADULT:
HOW TO BE AN AUTHORITATIVE PARENT: UTUBE PRESENTATION BY CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST NEIL FELLOWES: “This generation does not respond by shouted at, threatening, or smacked. This doesn’t work long term.” 3 minutes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MOa7YR7H3U
NEIL FELLOWES: Authoritative Parenting: Example and Tip for Mornings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5shCAHIlVrM
AUTHORITATIVE PARENT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksFbDKxPnJ0
From the Cosby Show: Authoritative Parent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6iFWuNsjqY
HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD APPRECIATE THEIR UNIQUENESS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKZ_kAJHGjQ Kids sometimes feel like an outsider at school and may need help to know that every well adjusted human being feels like this occasionally. Appreciate and celebrate their uniqueness. This approach shows respect for their feelings.
There are many posts on social media about SPANKING. They usually start off, “I was spanked and I turned out ok.” While that may be true, what are you teaching your children by hitting them? Just think of this little person who cannot defend himself or herself or run away and they are being hit by someone they trust. You could well RAISING A BULLY! It’s a crime to hit an adult, why wouldn’t it be a crime to hit a child? Here are tips to figure out your style and how to modify or change what you do if you want to.
Numerous studies say that spanking is bad for your child. The answer is not: “Well my Dad/ Mother beat me and I turned out OK.”
What they learn is that:
1) They cannot be open and honest with Mommy or Daddy anymore- that reinforces lying and hiding things.
2) That if Mommy or Daddy hit me then hitting people is okay.
3) You are perpetuating this style of parenting.
ANOTHER REASON NOT TO SPANK: RAISING A BULLY A new study continues to add to the pile of research that suggests that parents who spank risk harming not only their child’s bottom, but also their future.
Children who were spanked more than twice a month were 50 percent more likely than those who weren’t spanked to develop aggressive behaviors. These bullying behaviors included things such as getting into fights, exhibiting mean behavior toward others, and destroying toys and property.
The new study comes from researchers at Tulane University, who examined three year-old children whose mothers reported spanking them more than twice a month. The research was correlational in nature, so it could not establish a direct causal relationship with aggression. However, unlike prior research into this behavior, the new study took into account how aggressive kids were to begin with as well as other factors could have biased the results.
“This evidence base suggests that primary prevention of violence can start with efforts to prevent the use of corporal punishment against children,” noted Catherine Taylor, PhD, MSW, MPH, of Tulane University School of Public Health and Tropical Medicine in New Orleans, and colleagues. (See the results of a study on Spanking published in Pediatrics Magazine: https://psychcentral.com/news/2010/04/12/another-reason-not-to-spank-raising-a-bully/12797.html
I AM INTERESTED IN YOUR FEEDBACK!