This talk by Debbie Hecht was given on July 2, 2023 at the amphitheater of the Unitarian Fellowship of San Dieguito in Solana Beach, CA. Photo by Jon Luft. Here is a link to the UTube recording https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCTcCibQSrg The worship associate is Mary Anne Trause.

What a crazy world we live in!  I don’t know about you, but I feel like we are players in an apocalyptic movie complete with special effects from climate change catastrophes.   Is it true, what  John Lennon said: “The more real you get the more unreal the world gets.” Roe v Wade is gone- all that marching and 50 years of vigilance, the possibility of common-sense gun laws are fading.  Black men call for their mamas as white men kneel on their necks and gloat as they die. I can’t unsee that photo of the death of George Floyd. We keep people in jail for minor drug offenses and rich men pay no taxes to help the poor. We are ashamed of our whiteness and privileged culture but are paralyzed to help. Man’s inhumanity to man. We are  going backwards!    We have mostly survived the Pandemic, sort of, it still continues…  We have survived, but now we should be thriving!

I believe that human beings were meant to thrive.  How can we reach this level of human community together?  HOW can we lift everyone up to thrive as humanity?   The lesson I learned during the pandemic was to get ADEPT AT ADAPTING.  As Theodore Roosevelt said: “There can be no life without change, and to be afraid of what is different or unfamiliar is to be afraid of life.”

What does adept at adapting look like?

Aging gracefully: Some people don’t like to tell their age. Some people try to power through the aches and pains of old age. I am deeply grateful for every birthday.  IS adaptability the secret to survival? Darwin thought so: “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.” Can progress for growth as a human species be measured by intellectual and spiritual  growth?  George Bernard Shaw said, “Progress is impossible without change; and those who cannot change their minds, cannot change anything.”

 Aging gracefully is a process denied to many, but in the gracefully part, many of us trip over our egos.  People grow as they age or do some of us get stuck in our long-held, never examined beliefs? This could be from how your parents did things, their racial or cultural biases. Carl Jung said: “The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.”  That is the core of being adept at adapting, the inward thought, and then outward actions.   Do happy people live longer and  have more “successful lives”?  Look around you and notice the people that you would say are well adjusted, adaptable, and reasonably happy. 

From my political organizing, I have concluded that human beings do not like change.  You can only really change someone’s mind or habits by appealing to them emotionally, financially or by building on concepts they already know.  As Buckminster Fuller said:  “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”  Show people a different way of doing things and get them excited about the new idea.  Adaptable people are comfortable with ambiguity, conflicting views, and paradox.

Adaptable people have an elastic-like energy, a willingness to bend and break habits, to challenge themselves when circumstances change. They embrace change. My favorite yoga teacher said,  “Yoga teaches you to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.”   Just like we relax into a yoga pose, adaptable people  relax into a new situation.

Here are eight traits of adaptable people.

1. Macro and Micro views- Adaptable people can see the forest for the trees. 
2. They have the courage to act, but they also understand timing. 
3. They have humility and know they do not have all the answers. They are not afraid to fail.
4. They are collaborators. 
5. They have strong personal values, morals, and integrity and respect these traits in other people.   
6. They value introspection and are emotionally intelligent.
7. They have confidence in their abilities.
8. They acknowledge  the importance of human growth… and celebrate growth in their families, friends, and colleagues and communities. 

So, let’s dive a bit deeper to understand these traits:  please note that when discussing adaptability this goes for individuals, families, organizations, and communities and can be applied to all.

Adaptable people can see the forest for the trees: They go easily between macro and micro, meaning the mission and vision and the details.  This means being able to create a grand plan and break the plan down into goals and steps.  They do not get mired in the worries and the weeds.  They stick to the plan while adjusting along the way.  The long-term plan is the important first step- seeing the forest.  Two examples, you need well written plans to build a house and you need someone to keep people on track.   The other example is when I was new to serving on volunteer boards, I really disliked having retreats where we would discuss the vision and mission for the next year. I thought it was a waste of time. Then when I was elected President of the Tucson Mountains association and the board would devolve into petty arguments, I learned to point to the mission, vision, and goals that we had set forth and ask if this was on our list? Was this in line with our mission?   It saved time and furthered the goals for the organization.

When you have had the discussions on mission, vision, and goals it reinforces your courage to adapt to changing circumstances. Adaptable people and groups see opportunities where others may see problems. They are able to look ahead, come up with a Plan B or C and are willing to experiment and try new things.

Adaptable people have the courage to Act: They have the courage to act, but they also understand timing.  The courage to act means not getting mired in the fear of failure or what other people might think, not getting side-tracked by the worries.  Banish failure from your vocabulary! As Edison said, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.” The time might not be right for this goal or project.  For me, this means more input or information is needed. Adaptable people do not fail, they just adjust to the new circumstances.

Adaptable people have Humility- When I researched adaptability, I was really surprised to see humility come up. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized,  that you have to admit a mistake or that something doesn’t work before you can correct it. Then like Edison, you can adapt and keep going. But humility cannot exist when your ego gets in the way. It takes humility to admit you’re wrong or that you don’t know the answer OR to apologize. Insecure people cannot admit they are wrong because it damages their fragile image or ego.  Adaptable people get curious to find a solution.

Adaptable people are collaborators – they are open to the thoughts, questions, and solutions of others.  I learned the importance of collaboration the hard way.  I have run my own business since 1981.  For problem solving, I would identify a problem, come up with a few solutions, do more research, decide on a solution, and move forward.  In 1995, I was elected President of the Tucson Mountains association with 5 other board members.  I had promised my mentor and great friend, Florence Loftfield to try to reserrect work the organization. Florence was a founding member 1936.  As we faced our first issue, I went through my tried-and-true process and decided how to “sell” my solution to the Board.   The night of the meeting as I was talking, Emily said, “Debbie, you can’t run this board the way you run your business.”  Wow was she right!  I realized I had no idea how to run a board.  I hired a coach to meet with me and teach me the board process which I learned was about collaboration.  It was my job as leader to facilitate and tease out the ideas of the other board members.  I now absolutely delight in what I call  the “group wisdom”.  I try to suspend making decisions before meetings, so I can be more open to other’s ideas.  I might have a good idea, but when I discuss it with 5 other people, and we build on each other’s ideas.  We create  a better solution together.  It might take a bit longer, but the terrific by-product about this process is more buy-in and more support from everyone because everyone has a piece of the decision.    As Margaret Mead said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed individuals can change the world. In fact, it’s the only thing that ever has.” Florence changed my life. I  was 35 and had been a licensed real estate broker, selling land and income properties since 1978. I was selling land and apartment buildings and Florence Loftfield was my client.   Her husband had died and  left her with several parcels of land with big problems.  We dealt with access easements, floodplains, put in water lines, and sold off lots. We came up with a financial plan.  But one day we sat for 5 hours and discussed my future. I knew I was temperamentally unsuited to work from commission check to commission check as a real estate broker. There are no pension funds for real estate people. I was the sole support for me and my son.  We came up with a plan for me to start buying small pieces of income property so I could build equity and eventually have cash flow to solidify my income.  I worked that plan for the last 35 years with minor adjustments.  I accelerated the payments on all of the buildings so I could send my son to college and have an adequate income for myself. Florence earned a very good income.  Florence was my mentor. She wanted to see me succeed. She became like a mother to me; she called me the daughter of her heart. I will always be deeply grateful for her kind, loving counsel.  How lucky we are to have someone in our lives who cares about our well-being and success. 

Adaptable people have values and morals: They know their own values and morals and are willing to explain and defend them to maintain their integrity. They have the courage to go it alone, if necessary. If you don’t have self-respect, how can you stand tall in the world? 

Adaptable people value introspection and have developed their emotional intelligence.   They can explain how they feel and why.  They can defend their unique view of the world.    They are positive in their language and generous with praise.  They do not blame others. They spread the credit.  They take time to celebrate successes.  They recognize contributors.

Adaptable people have confidence: A component of courage has got to be the confidence to stick up for what you think is right and ask the hard questions. Adaptable people know that life is a process, and that they will stumble as they learn, but they have the self-confidence to know that they will find a solution.  They know they will  adapt.  They do not get mired in the weeds, worries or fear of failure.  I believe every person has a gift which can benefit the world. As a parent, I wanted to help my son discover his gifts, support his decisions on his education and help him move forward. As a leader, I want to make sure each person is in a job in which they will feel successful and benefit the organization.

Adaptable people accept and respect their own growth and the growth of others.

In my 30s and 40s when I was a single Mom and needed to solve problems in order to get paid and put food on the table, I realized I had a very odd process.  I would read or hear some new idea. I would list a piece of land and think about what could be built there.  Or I would see a process that could be improved.  I call this the “build a better mousetrap” brain.  I would look at a problem and think:  “That’s a pretty good solution, but if you did X, Y and Z, then you’d really have a great solution!” But maybe the time wasn’t quite right for that idea to come forward.  So that idea would get filed in my back brain for a while.  If it was interesting, more information would come along: I’d have a conversation with someone or more thoughts would arise.  Sometimes lots of information would tumble in. I would be more vigilant for people to help, who had unique perspectives or more information.   I believe there is some degree of synchronicity in life IF you are paying attention.   More information would pique my curiosity and the middle brain would start percolating on the issue more actively.  It would move to the forefront of my brain and be getting more of my focus.   When it all came together, I would come up with a plan of action.  Remodeling properties and designing a home is a good illustration of this creative process. 

Integrity and courage– Two of my core beliefs are that 1) the change or legislation must be for the greater good and 2) everyone can benefit from being out of doors in nature. 

I have always loved dusk, the time of transition from day to night. When I lived in Tucson, I loved to watch the sunset over the western mountains  The setting sun lit up the sky with colors of orange, yellow and lavender which silhouetted the rugged mountains against the vibrant sky. It was breath taking.  The owls and night birds would swoop down to start their nightly hunts.  BUT there were McMansions being built on the peaks and ridges. Glass windows reflecting the light wrecked the view of the skyline. I even knew one wealthy person who had a house on the tip of the ridge that the clouds passed through. It didn’t seem fair to me that a few people had great views and the rest of us had to look at their ugly houses, which distracted from our view of the beautiful mountains.  This did not serve the greater good.  At the time, I was president of the Tucson Mountains Association and proposed that we write a Peaks and Ridges Ordinance to protect the views.  The board wasn’t really interested, there were 2 people on the board who had built on a peak. I spent 3 weeks sitting in my backyard looking at the mountains silhouetted with the gorgeous sunsets and finally decided to take this on by myself.   I figured if I didn’t try to do something, in the future, if the peaks and ridges were covered with houses, I would be kicking myself for not acting and lose self-respect.  Self-respect, kindness, and your reputation are things that define you as a person. They are character traits that are built slowly but can be trashed quickly. AND at the end of your life if you have regrets and lose self-respect, can you really be satisfied with how you’ve lived your life?  As Maya Angelou said, “Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.”   Just think about that!  You can have great moral values, lofty ideals, and great integrity, but if you don’t have the courage to speak out and try to change things for the better, how does that help?  It’s like complaining without a solution. Your ideas never see the light of day or become a benefit to the world.  I believe that every person has a benefit to help our world. 

My ex-husband was a brilliant man, played guitar, painted and was an unbeatable Trivial Pursuit player.  He majored in accounting in college, was a master carpenter, built boats, guitars, and houses from start to finish, only subbing out the plumbing, electric and septic systems.  He climbed El Capitan for years and was a cross country ski racer.   BUT if you brought him a new idea, he would just say NO instead of keeping an open mind or being able to collaborate or expand on an idea.  He wouldn’t even shoot holes in it, let alone build on it.  When I tried to discuss our co-parenting on certain issues, he would say, “it was good enough for me and I survived.” George Bernard Shaw said:  “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.”  To me that goes back to being adept at adapting.  The only behavior you can change is your own.  Adaptable people can step outside of a situation and be the “observer” to a situation instead of getting emotionally hooked and reacting.  They have the emotional intelligence to identify their emotions and work through them.  They have the courage to speak up and act. They know that what you resist only persists.  What festers pesters. They don’t spend time and energy on stuffing down  or denying their emotions.

So, are you adept at adapting? Is our community adept at adapting?   What happens when you encounter a new idea?  Are you able to “shift gears” or do you get stubborn and dig in your heels to support your old beliefs? Do you challenge your beliefs or the assumptions and beliefs of the organizations you belong to? Do you speak up when you have new ideas? What are your observations about the people around you and how do they adapt to new information and situations?  Think about this as you assess your ability to adapt and be courageous:  “All failure is the failure to adapt; all success is successful adaptation.” ―Max McKeown.  I challenge you to assess how adept you are at adapting and then discover where to adapt on many levels: for yourself, your family, and your community.   I wish for you, aging gracefully, belief in yourself, the courage to speak out and being adept at adapting.